So as I mentioned in an earlier post, I’ve had a lot of time to pray and think this summer. In thinking about the upcoming storm of my final semester in nursing school this fall, there have been days where I had no desire to do extra work, at the hospital or at home. Now, on the days when I’ve had energy and I knew I hadn’t performed well the day before, I’m on fire and I make meals, clean, pray with intention, and do well at work. On the days that I’m hurting with fatigue, confusion, or lack of motivation, I fail.
When I say fail, I mean that I waste time online doing the following:
- messing around with Facebook
- watching trailers for movies at www.apple.com/trailers that I may or may not go and see depending on the quality reviews at http://www.pluggedinonline.com/ or http://www.decentfilms.com/
- spending hours playing games at http://www.kongregate.com/ (Desktop Tower Defense and Gemcraft are my main pitfalls)
- playing with my new Palm Centro and its new version of Sudoku.
Basically, I spend time with the only toys I’ve permitted myself to have because I know that if we had a TV or, heaven forbid, a game console, then my addictive nature would waste hours.
Things I should be doing more of:
- Serving the Lord through praying, exercising, receiving and employing the gifts of the Spirit through disciplined dedication to reading and spiritual and corporal works of mercy.
- Serving my wife through cleaning, cooking, completing tasks, and preparation for our new blessing.
Thankfully, God is watching out for me. This week, God did what He does best…He smacked me upside my head multiple times. First at Adoration, through the Imitation of Christ: Saint Joseph Edition, God showed me why I would want to suffer: Jesus suffered. Jesus had no reason to suffer. He did nothing wrong. But He loves me and He chose to be compassionate. “Com” = “with” and “passion” = “suffer.” He chose to suffer with me. He chose to embrace my suffering so that He could take it upon himself and set me free. Christ freed me from sin and suffering so that I might find peace throughout the day, hope in the future, and love in the Lord. Not “free” as in spending hours playing video games, but free so that I might serve and be compassionate with others, leading them to Christ as Christ has led me to God. I’ve got a lot to learn.
Thank you, Lord. for keeping me close to your Sacred Heart.