A little prayer goes...

It's amazing how just spending a few minutes in prayer with Frances can really make a difference in our marriage. Besides the grace the prayer imparts, there is definitely a shared intimacy in its pure expression as Christopher West puts it: "into-me-see."

When I pray, I open everything up to the Lord. I become vulnerable. It allows me to share all of me with Frances who reciprocates. The unifying result makes such a difference, and it's a visible difference reflected in the innocent eyes of Teresa, our daughter. She may only be 11 months, but she bares a two-tooth smile in recognition of the joy we share during and after prayer.

It's not always easy getting together to pray during a busy day, but we realize how important it is. We are always looking for new prayers, books, or suggestions to share the Lord with each other and Teresa. Do you have any suggestions?

Saving My Kisses

My sister Beth called me the other night to tell me a TV show she watched made her think of me. TLC runs a program about a real life family of 19: "17 Kids and Counting." The Duggars are devout Christians who have invited the network to share their life with the world. The episode my sister saw recently highlighted the eldest Duggar son's engagement to his girlfriend - and their decision to save not only sex but also kissing for their wedding day. The Duggar parents have encouraged all of their children in this idea and those of dating age shared how they have embraced it.

This made Beth think of me because of my own decision not to kiss anyone but my future husband.

"So, now you know I'm not the only weird one," I said.

"Right!" she replied. :)

I didn't really date in high school (I was too busy with academics and athletics). By the end of my freshman year of college I had committed myself to honoring God in my relationships - for me, this meant I desired a chaste and holy courtship. This fuzzy ideal became a concrete reality days before my 21st birthday, when I began my first courtship. Deo gratias, my first boyfriend had been raised in a devout Catholic home where respect for God and for women was taught and modeled on a daily basis. He told me that he had decided to save kissing for engagement and, though the concept was fairly new to me, I agreed. He modeled purity throughout our courtship and I learned the practical side of chastity. Even though our courtship ended after 11 months with a discernment of "no, God is not calling us to marry each other," I am incredibly grateful for all that I learned from that brother in Christ, including the art of patient passion.

Two courtships later, I (finally!) discerned a "yes, God IS calling us to marry each other" with David and we got engaged - and shared our first kiss. I was 25-years-old, terribly awkward, and terribly (in the good way) excited. What a mysterious gift!

I share all this to encourage any singles who are considering what boundaries to set on their physical intimacy within courtship: you will not regret saving kissing for engagement or even marriage. I also encourage all you parents to suggest this idea to your children - and pray for them to experience (or, for the boys, lead) chaste and holy courtships.

WYD: How Theology of the Body found me

As I read about World Youth Day in Australia this week, I took a little trip down memory lane to my own World Youth Day experience in Toronto, Canada, in 2002. As a chaperone I guided several youth from the Diocese of Spokane to daily catechetical lessons, Masses, meals, concerts, Adoration, and more. Although joyful memories flood my mind (the handmade shell rosary I was given, explaining courtship to a teenager on the trolley, hearing Pope John Paul II pray the Mass...), I have been especially grateful remembering the Love & Responsibility booklets I gathered in Toronto.

As the World Youth Day crowds thronged by, a few people were handing out a 32-page booklet with the Pope on the front. "Pope John Paul II on Love & Responsibility," it said, then "The Challenge of Human Sexuality." I was intrigued. When I saw the ground littered with the booklets a few yards further along, I actually stooped to pick up as many as I could carry. Somehow I knew that the information they contained would be valuable to share with others in the future.

I didn't get a chance to read the document through until much later, after I returned from the Toronto. Amazed by its forthright discussion of human love, metaphysics, ordered sexuality, the theology of marriage, and natural family planning, I started underlining like crazy (I have that copy in front of me now). I was given a taste of the rich banquet that is Pope John Paul II's Theology of the Body, and I began to hunger for more.

Thank God for the group, Love and Responsibility Foundation, that organized the donations and the labor to print and distribute those brochures. Mine prompted me to learn more about the Theology of the Body, and this educational journey has changed the way I understand human life and love.

If you haven't yet discovered this treasure of the Church, perhaps you might like to start with the same brochure that influence me. It is available on the Foundation's website here (as a PDF). Christopher West (a fabulous synthesizer of Pope JP II's dense philosophical writings) also has an introductory article here.

COMPASS Catholic Campus Ministry

As grateful as I am for my college education, I am not proud of the negative impact my supposedly "Catholic" alma mater has on the faith of many of its students. Although opportunities to explore and exercise faith (particularly through community service) abound on campus, the example and messages set forth by the college often contradict orthodox Catholic teaching.

As my own Catholic faith deepened, I became increasingly uncomfortable with my college. I realized I could not contribute to it financially in good conscience, knowing that it might use some of my donation to fund immoral programs. So, for the past four years I have tossed those mailings begging for money in the recycling and politely declined the requests of the young students who called me during the phone-a-thons.

This past year, however, the solicitations have gone up a notch. A very wealthy alum pledged a huge sum for student internships if a certain percentage of alumni contributed within a certain time frame. At first I ignored the emails and brochures. But my heart began to ache a little at the thought that my choice not to donate might prevent the college from receiving funding for something worthwhile. They weren't asking me for much - just $1 so they could say I contributed. My mind churned as I tried to come up with some way I could give a little money, fulfill the requirements for the match, and still have a clear conscience.

After several months, the answer came to me: earmark my donation for a particular Catholic ministry or student organization that I KNEW was upholding Church teaching. I had the great privilege of participating in COMPASS my senior year of college. Our small group gathered for prayer, meditated on the Sunday Gospel, listened to tapes with solid Catholic teachings (including an introduction to the Theology of the Body), and discussed living out the faith as students and beyond. Best of all, we met at the campus ministry house for Feast Day Dinners every so often - we learned about saints and shared a meal from their country of origin.

I don't know how the group is doing on my alma mater's campus these days, but I hope my small donation and prayers give them a boost.

Do you have a campus ministry you enjoyed as a student and still support today?

Advice to a Newly Engaged Catholic

A friend of mine recently shared news of her engagement and requested my advice, which I now offer here in case it's useful to someone else:

Tip 1: Take advantage of all marriage-prep opportunities offered by your parish, diocese, and friends. David and I attended both the diocesan Marriage Prep (Pre-Cana) Workshop (a day of talks and small group sharing) and an Engaged Encounter weekend. Of the two, we found EE so much more Christ-centered and relationship-enriching, but both were helpful in spurring our conversation on important topics. Meet with your priest several times, especially to do the FOCCUS inventory and discuss the results. And look for times you and your fiance can get together (maybe over meals) with Catholic couples you admire and ask them all kinds of questions. Learn from their experiences! Be inspired by their example! Oh, and definitely sign up for NFP (Natural Family Planning) classes. Set aside time to study the materials and, three or four months before the wedding day, start charting your signs.

Tip 2: Maintain or develop relationships with people who can hold you accountable to your standards for chastity. Engagement is a beautiful time of increased intimacy, and it can be a big challenge not to get ahead of yourselves. I recommend surrounding yourself with positive influences and not spending too much time alone together. When you make mistakes, be honest with one another, go to confession, and begin again.

Tip 3: Declare a certain day of the week "no wedding planning" day and stick to it. Don't let the planning dominate your conversations or time together. Work on building up your relationship and preparing (mentally and spiritually) for the challenges and blessings of marriage.

Tip 4: Pray and read good books. Pray often, as individuals and as a couple, for your engagement and marriage to bring glory to God. Seek His guidance for everything, from the grand picture to the details. Read encouraging books to help you prepare for a godly marriage. I wish I had great books to recommend - the two I had were not good for me. If you haven't explored the Theology of the Body, it's a must - there are several books and CD sets out there, take your pick. Every time David and I delve into Theology of the Body it bears fruit in our relationship.