Teresa the candle snuffer

I got David a nice candle snuffer for Christmas since he is fond of lighting a taper candle for prayer and I am fearful of hot wax blown onto altar coverings. Teresa was very interested in learning how to use the snuffer and David graciously coached her until she can do it quite well herself. In this video it takes her a few tries to get the flame extinguished, but she usually gets it right away.

Did you catch what she says at the end, complete with sign language (the only sign we still do with her, who knows why?!): "All done praying!" This phrase is usually either cried (when she wants us to stop praying or doesn't want to participate) or said with jubilation (when we are actually done praying). Oh well!

Church song for a mother

The past two days I have taken a little bit of time here and there to sit down, pick up a hymnal, and sing a couple of songs. This evening while I sang one song Teresa was climbing and hugging on me and I received the grace to connect the words of the song with my relationship with my daughter.

The song is "The Servant Song" by Richard Gillard (1977):

Brother, let me be your servant
(alternate text: Will you let me be your servant)
Let me be as Christ to you
Pray that I may have the grace
To let you be my servant, too

We are pilgrims on a journey
We are brothers (trav'llers) on the road
We are here to help each other
Walk the mile and bear the load

I will hold the Christ-light for you
In the night-time of your fear
I will hold my hand out to you
Speak the peace you long to hear

I will weep when you are weeping
When you laugh I'll laugh with you
I will share your joy and sorrow
Till we've seen this journey through

When we sing to God in heaven
We shall find such harmony
Born of all we've known together
Of Christ's love and agony

Brother, let me be your servant
Let me be as Christ to you
Pray that I may have the grace
To let you be my servant, too

The Holy Spirit used that moment to remind me that I am to be my child's servant, to be Christ for her. When she is afraid, I can share the light of Christ with her. When she is upset, I can bestow His peace. We're on the Christian journey together, sharing our joys and sorrows, learning from each other and eagerly anticipating our reunion in Heaven. That's just awesome. Lord, help me to remember and to live this!

Music (and especially singing) have played a huge part in my spiritual growth over the years; I loved "praise and worship" at my high school youth group and college campus ministry meetings; I sang in the Chapel Choir at my college, the music ministry in my NJ prayer community, and my parish choir here in Charlotte for a year before our marriage. Since then, well, I've slowly but surely sung less and less. I've pulled out my guitar maybe 3 times in the past 2 years. And our parish has transitioned to almost entirely chant during its liturgies - sacred and lovely, yes, but not singable for the people in the pew.

My spirituality/prayer life has really suffered in direct correspondence with this lack of singing. Sometimes I feel that I don't have half the vibrant faith I had 4 or 5 years ago. Perhaps it's all part of the maturing process, or perhaps I need to do whatever it takes to revitalize my faith ASAP. Singing like this (casual, no pressure, with heart open to God in prayer) is a step in the right direction; perhaps daily song should be my Advent practice.

My Grandmother's Passion

My grandmother did an amazing job handing down the faith to her family. As the matriarch on my mother's side, she handed down valuable traditions and truths of Our Lord through the Church. My own mother followed suit and now Frances and I are continuing the transmission of faith with the guidance of Holy Mother Church.

In the past months, my grandmother, Rose Goss Robinson, has been in and out of the hospital going through difficult inpatient stays. In the last few weeks, she didn't get to go home as she bounced from the hospital to a nursing home and back.

Currently, she's in an ICU and they're not giving her much time to live. She suffers from infections, pain, a large regimen of medication, and being in an ICU. The Catholic Church teaches that God lives in every soul and He is present in our suffering. I know He's with my grandmother, consoling her through these difficult moments.

I ask for prayers for my grandmother that the grace which pours from His Sacred Heart through the Immaculate Heart of Mary may fill the cup of my grandmother's soul and grant her the peace that has been promised to all of God's children. I also ask for prayers for our family who love her very much.

St. Ann, pray for us.

A little prayer goes...

It's amazing how just spending a few minutes in prayer with Frances can really make a difference in our marriage. Besides the grace the prayer imparts, there is definitely a shared intimacy in its pure expression as Christopher West puts it: "into-me-see."

When I pray, I open everything up to the Lord. I become vulnerable. It allows me to share all of me with Frances who reciprocates. The unifying result makes such a difference, and it's a visible difference reflected in the innocent eyes of Teresa, our daughter. She may only be 11 months, but she bares a two-tooth smile in recognition of the joy we share during and after prayer.

It's not always easy getting together to pray during a busy day, but we realize how important it is. We are always looking for new prayers, books, or suggestions to share the Lord with each other and Teresa. Do you have any suggestions?

Elimination Diet

I request your prayers for our little family. Teresa's symptoms of food allergy have continued, even though I have been dairy-free for 2 weeks and off soymilk and chocolate for 1 week. This weekend she exhibited 6 of the 11 signs of dairy sensitivity listed here: extreme fussiness, congestion, a pin dot rash (or widespread acne) on her face, frequent spitting up, gassiness, and green, mucousy, bloody stools. It's the last one that's most alarming: two diapers with some blood in them. Obviously, I'm still eating something that's bothering her poor little digestive system.

Food allergies are so difficult to determine! She might be intolerant of any of the multitude of ingredients I've consumed. I've started keeping a food log. With David's assistance and encouragement, I will take the plunge and stop eating anything containing gluten (wheat, oats, and barley) or soy. We've made a bare bones menu plan for the next 7-10 days, and then we'll decide how to proceed.

Giving up dairy was tough. At least I can eat my cereal with soymilk and dark chocolate for dessert, I thought. Then those were forbidden as well. I managed. But now all soy and wheat? I've shed many a tear at the thought of it: What a joyless life! What CAN I eat? Will I waste away? I'm already too thin! Will Teresa still get enough nutrients? Is this really worth it, or should I just stop breastfeeding? That would be a humiliating defeat. You get the idea.

So I ask your prayers: that Teresa would be healthy and grow and know comfort and happiness. That I would embrace this sacrifice/challenge with peace and hope. And that David would continue to be the patient and loving husband and father that he has proven himself to be thus far. Thank you.

Solidarity & our daily bread

"Give us this day our daily bread..." we pray in the Our Father. And God provides...through the work of countless people we will never know.

I was reminded of this truth this evening as I read the Fall/Winter 2008 issue of Sacred Ground, the magazine of Christian Foundation for Children and Aging (CFCA). I've written about CFCA and my sponsorship of a young Filipino named Manuelito before, and I continue to encourage anyone interested in sponsoring a poor child (or aging person) to consider CFCA because it is a stellar organization founded on Catholic principles.

For example, solidarity is part of the CFCA mission statement because it is an essential part of Catholic social teaching. I think this story, shared in the article "Solidarity: A Walk of Love," illustrates solidarity well:

"Every morning when CFCA sponsor and board chairman Scott Wasserman gets dressed, he checks his shirt label to see where his garment was made. He then spends a moment thinking of the person who made it, most likely a woman.

'I pray for her and her family while I hold the shirt she made for me,' Wasserman said. 'The entire spiritual exercise takes only a few moments. But done consistently every day over the years, it leads to solidarity with the poor, and that leads to action such as sponsorship with CFCA.'"

As I pondered this idea my gaze fell to my dinner plate. Because David was at church training altar servers for the Latin Mass, I was reading Sacred Ground while enjoying the London broil he'd made in the crock pot, along with some sweet potato casserole. In times past I have tried to bring to mind and pray for many of the people involved in getting us the food we eat - to not take them and the hard work they do (or my dependence upon it) for granted. For example, I should thank the Lord for...

• The rancher that raised the cow
• The butcher that prepared the cut of meat
• The packager who wrapped it up
• The truck driver who transported it to my grocery store
• The farmer who cultivated and harvested those sweet potatoes
• The stocker who laid them out in the store
• The cashier who rang up my purchases (and all those coupons)
  
• The creative minds behind the development, packaging, and advertising of all the other ingredients we used in our meal
• The cooks who created the recipes we used (I really like MoneySavingMom's sweet potato casserole, with marshmallows for topping)
  
• The web gurus who keep sites like Allrecipes.com going so we can quickly find out how to make London broil (this was our first time)

I could go on, because the contributions don't end there. People all over the place had a hand in my meal. These are my brothers and sisters, doing their daily work, and I hope they know that someone appreciates their good service!

I pray that the Lord will help me to be even more mindful of how much I need others, far and near, to live as I am blessed to live. I am grateful for God's Providence - and for the role He allows me to play in providing for others.

I can only imagine how this insight will deepen when Teresa comes and I *get* to take care of her, with others' help. Already we have been so blessed by the generosity of friends and family - and those unknown people who donate used clothing and baby supplies to thrift stores. Deo gratias!

Confession & Letting Go

This afternoon I participated in our parish's Advent penance service. Father began by exposing the Blessed Sacrament for Adoration, which was a real treat. I got in the line for an order priest (a pastor at a local parish who had come to help out) who I'd never met before. As each person in line in front of me went for their Confession, I stepped closer to Jesus on the altar. Sweet. Our line moved the slowest of the three I could see from where I was standing, so I assumed that this priest liked to give a bit of counsel. I looked forward to hearing what he would say to me.

Ever since I returned to the regular practice of Confession my junior year of college (six years ago?) I have taken time to make an Examination of Conscience and write out my confession in preparation (sometimes days beforehand). I used to write it directly in my journal, but a few confessors along the way encouraged me to throw the record of my sins away after I received absolution, so I began to write them on slips of paper that I joyfully tear up and toss after my Confessions.

Well, today I sat in front of the priest, made the sign of the cross, asked for blessing, and turned over my piece of paper to begin reading off of it. Imagine my surprise when the priest reached out and grabbed the paper, crumpled it up, and set it off to the side. "No lists!" he insisted. "Just tell God what you're sorry for."

I sat in stunned silence for half a minute. As shocking as his actions were, they were incredibly appropriate for someone who had come to confess her desire for control and negative responses when that control was threatened. I was totally out of my element, naked before God. I faltered in recalling and articulating my sins, but, by God's grace, I made my confession with a new sincerity. My repentance became palpable in the absence of that neat little narrative I'd written - no smooth sentences and complete thoughts to hide behind...only the very raw feelings of my exposed heart.

The priest encouraged me to bathe in God's love for me, as though I were getting a suntan. He asked me to pray for peace - not just "no war" between nations, but God's peace in my heart and mind. He reminded me that God doesn't want me to feel unsettled, as I have so often lately. He also insisted I pray for my husband every day - something that seems so obvious and yet, I have failed to faithfully put into practice.

After I received absolution I returned to my seat, knelt, and wept. Once again God had taken me totally by surprise and shaken up my comfortable ways of doing things. He broke me down so He could really work in my heart and build me up in His love. I still haven't completely processed the experience, but I am very hopeful as to its impact in my life.

Lord, help me to let go and let You in!

--------
Just in case you're wondering, the priest did give me back my paper with the stipulation that I destroy it immediately. He urged me not to write my sins down any more, but I'm not 100% convinced. What do you think?

Image from Holy Cards for Your Inspiration

Sunday prayer: insight into love

I need some of that. So the "alternative opening prayer" listed for Mass today really struck me as I read my Word Among Us this morning:

Lord God of power and might,
nothing is good which is against your will,
and all is of value which comes from your hand.
Place in our hearts a desire to please you
and fill our minds with insight into love,
so that every thought may grow in wisdom
and all our efforts may be filled with your peace.
We ask this through Christ our Lord. AMEN!

Please pray that I would be a better lover - of God, of my husband, and of all the good people in my life.

Upside the Head: Part II

So everyday is a new challenge for me to continue to put God first. When I was going through my conversion of heart three years ago, I had so much zeal for the Lord. I truly felt His grace overflowing, as St. Teresa of Avila describes in her Interior Castle. She describes the Lord’s grace and peace as water welling up into a fountain of the soul. If the soul is open to the Lord, it receives a continuous wellspring of the Lord’s presence and love. Mind you, I was still an infant in my understanding of my interaction with the Lord, but how I loved His peace.

I write in the past tense because in the last two years, I have spent so much time yearning for the Lord throughout the day. I would struggle to pray and grasp for the Lord in my arrogance, striving to hold onto small drops of water while my soul’s fountain remained parched. My days were spent constantly battling to order my thoughts and heart to Christ. I reflected that I might have felt like the first Apostles after the Lord’s Ascension. They were huddled in the upper room, scared of the world outside and clinging to the strength and never failing example of Mary, their new mother. Then, when the Lord was ready, He sent the Apostles the Holy Spirit and their souls burst forth with zeal and grace. I’ve spent and probably will spend many days in that room with Our Heavenly Mother; I’m so grateful for her intercession. Like a good mother, Mary teaches me how to hold out my hands and be patient in receiving. It’s all in God’s timing. Yet, I have to continue to be patient and keep looking for the Lord.

I experienced the memorial of St. Mary Magdalene (Tuesday, July 22) with a whole new perspective, provided by the second reading from the Liturgy of the Hours (Volume III). Picture this: Peter and John had just run to the tomb on Resurrection Sunday after hearing Mary Magdalene’s message. They looked around, saw the empty tomb for themselves, and then left. Mary stayed behind. She was weeping. She was looking and longing for Him who she loved. He came to her. Isn’t that awesome! She wasn’t an Apostle or the Blessed Virgin. Jesus appeared first to a repentant sinner who loved Him and persevered in searching for Him. That’s a smack upside my head to keep hoping, looking, loving, serving, praying, suffering, repenting, and working.

Thank you, God. Thank you, holy men and women, for your wonderful example of how to love the Lord.

Stop. Think. Invite...better yet, stop, invite, then think.

With so much to do in nursing school, I often find myself without the time to think. While this may sound dangerous for a student who will one day be responsible for the lives of patients 12 hours at a time, not recognizing the lack of thinking would be far worse. As a nurse, it is imperative to think critically. It’s not enough to be given a list of tasks, complete that list, and then rest until another task appears. During the course of the day, a nurse must continuously evaluate a patient’s situation with its innumerable variables. The nurse then must assess the progress of care, develop a plan of change if necessary, and then present that plan to the physician while monitoring and evaluating other situations at the same time. Moreover, a good nurse should take the time during the day to evaluate their own progress and make changes accordingly. Of course, once a nurse has given their responsibilities to another nurse, they can jump in their car and reflect upon the day. Yet, during that car ride home or when they finally lay down for the night, they might realize that they failed in managing a patient’s care. Well, that day is over. They might have another day to use the fruits of reflection, if the Lord allows it.

In nursing school, there are countless requirements demanding so much time that I risk becoming predominantly task oriented. In many ways it’s more challenging than working as a nurse because the day doesn’t end when I leave the hospital or school. The work has to be taken home. Over the course of months, it’s easy to lose focus on taking the time to stop, reflect, and self-evaluate.

This summer I’ve been doing a preceptorship, a voluntary (unpaid) internship at a healthcare facility. Because it’s not as demanding as a full class load and this past Monday was the last day, I have had time to slow down. I’ve taken hours to delve into ideas, thoughts, and situations that have occurred over the last year. So using my “drive home” analogy, I realized that, spiritually, I’ve had successes and failures this past year. During the year, I wish that I had been more diligent, intentional, and reflective with the time that I used to pray. When I did take the time to meditate and pray meaningfully, I allowed the Lord to open my heart and educate me. (Being Sicilian, I refer to this process as being “bopped” upside my head by my Father.)

Moving deeper into my thoughts, I confirmed that in striving to be a disciple of Christ, I am called to think critically about my spiritual progress multiple times a day, a week, a month, a year, a decade…permitting the Lord to order my life to His will. It’s good to recognize my weaknesses after the fact, but how much better would it be to consistently recognize my own tendencies before a sin is committed and invite the Lord to help me. Sounds like common sense, but how difficult it can be for me!

After coming home from Adoration a few days back, I also realized how efficacious my thinking becomes when I invite Christ into it. On my own, I find that my thoughts and reflections suffer from concupiscence, distractions, and evil. With Christ beside me, I feel like I have a friend guiding me with gentle conversation. I also realized that even this insight was only possible by His grace. I’m grateful that our Father is patient with this stubborn Italian.

When do you find time to critically think in a given day?

Photo credit: Ann Douglas

Deo Gratias: Liturgy of the Hours

A few weeks ago David expressed interest in praying the Liturgy of the Hours more regularly. He found what prayers he could on eBreviary (which went subscription-only on the majority of its prayers recently). He tried using my simplified Christian Prayer book but wasn't satisfied knowing that it doesn't allow him to pray exactly what so many other Catholics (especially clergy and religious) are praying around the globe that day.

Late one night David heard God prompting him to turn on the computer and order the full set of Liturgy of the Hours books. An unusual prompting, I know, but how can we question something that will inevitably make us holier?

The box came on Thursday and David unwrapped the books with delight when he got home from a 12-hour shift of his preceptorship. He found all the proper pages and we prayed Night Prayer together on the couch. It was lovely! Praying the Liturgy of the Hours brings me great peace and centeredness. I hope his new prayer regimen (as his nursing school schedule allows) brings David that same peace and deepening of faith. I look forward to joining him often!

Photo credit: bhsher

Deo Gratias: God gave Frances a new job!

To continue the story from this post...

Exactly one week ago today I received a phone call from a fellow parishioner (the NFP dad). In his voicemail he told me that his company had a position opening that he thought I might be well suited to and he invited me to call his brother-in-law to find out more. I was on my way to an appointment, so I debated whether to make the call in the 20 or so minutes I had before the appointment or wait until afterwards. I waited. Then, safely in my car in the parking deck (with shade, silence, and privacy), I made that fateful phone call.

I am not sure how much detail to provide here - if you have questions about some specifics I neglect, feel free to ask in the comments or via email. Here goes:

The Director of Publishing of Saint Benedict Press, currently based in Gastonia, NC, (about 20 minutes outside of Charlotte) is expanding the business and looking for an Associate Editor to help him write book prefaces and back cover descriptions and contribute to decision making on all aspects of the business, from marketing to artwork to book selection. For various reasons deadlines loom and he needs a right-hand man (or woman) as soon as possible. Ideally, this person would possess writing and editorial skills, the ability to handle all sorts of practical and creative business needs, AND a lively Catholic faith with a strong appreciation for quality Catholic literature.

We chatted for about half an hour and then he invited me to meet him in person - as soon as possible. I shared without any need for secrecy that I was on my way to Adoration and Mass at St. Ann's and would not be available until 8 pm. He agreed to meet me at a coffee place five minutes from where I live at that time.

With my heart racing and my mind reeling, I called David as I drove to church. He listened and then encouraged me to be open and put it all before the Lord in prayer. We met in the church parking lot and went in for some awesome Jesus time. As I prayed I realized all the things I love about my current job (great environment, varied work, excellent pay and benefits, and not too much stress) and all the reasons I had concerns about taking a new job at this stage of our life, especially one that was further away, promised to be more stressful, and paid less. I left Mass believing that this was not the right opportunity for me.

But when I spoke with the Director on the phone on my way home, he listened to all of my concerns and countered them: the commute isn't really very long or difficult (just 35 minutes going the opposite direction than most on the highway), the job might be stressful at times but not constantly, and he was willing to negotiate salary. When I told him point-blank "we're hoping to be blessed with a baby soon and I'm concerned about starting a new job, being sick in the first few months, and then having to leave less than a year later" he assured me "we can work with that." Can you believe it? (Keep in mind that he and his wife have five children ages six and under. And that they met at Franciscan.)

So I agreed to meet with him as planned. We spent almost 2 hours sitting at a table in the open air, talking about Catholic classics, business practices, artistic design, and my background. I left with a lot of excitement and uncertainty.

On Thursday afternoon the Director called. He wanted me to visit the offices of Saint Benedict Press and its parent company, Good Will Publishers. The CEO and other key personnel needed to meet me. We coordinated our schedules and I drove out to Gastonia that very afternoon. (Can you believe how quickly this was all going?) For another 2 hours I toured the facility, learned all about Good Will, chatted with employees, and endured a grilling from the CEO. Once again, I left excited. But was I ready for such a big change? Was this really what God wanted me to do?

I spoke with friends and family and discussed the pros and cons. I prayed fervently - I haven't been so communicative and close with God in a long time (I call the whole ordeal the "spiritual kick in the pants" I needed). On Friday morning I shared the possibility of a new job, my dream job, with my supervisor and a few friends at work. Their overwhelming response: do it. This is an opportunity not to be missed.

Mid morning the Director called: "we want to offer you the position." (Fact check: that's less than 48 hours from finding out about the job to being offered the job. Whoa!) My response: "my husband wants to meet you" (quite a logical request, considering that I would be spending much time one-on-one with this other guy). The Director agreed to meet us for lunch. Over lunch, David asked all the questions that he needed to ask, in a gentle but serious way. I loved him so much for that! The Director's answers satisfied David, and we told him we would take the weekend to discern our response.

Lots of great conversations and prayers ensued and by Sunday we were certain that God had orchestrated this blessing. Despite the sacrifices taking this job necessitates in our lives (I will be away from home more, our costs will go up and our income will decrease, and the stress might further delay our hope for pregnancy), we see that God will use it to challenge me spiritually in the best of ways (I will be reading awesome spiritual texts) and provide a beautiful opportunity for me to evangelize (I will be writing to encourage others to read these awesome spiritual texts). I will use all the skills I've developed in school and my previous employment experiences. And, I do believe, this work will bring me great joy. (It makes me chuckle to realize I actually told the CEO I have a gift of joy. It was so refreshing to be completely transparent about my faith the entire time.)

I filed my two-week notice at the library on Monday. Friday, May 16, 2008, will be my last day with PLCMC. Although my first official day at Saint Benedict's will be the following Monday, I've already started writing for an assignment. Here I go!

We truly appreciate your prayers as we go through this transition and prepare for whatever God might have in store for us!

O God Beyond All Praising

God is awesome! This morning as I left the church parking lot after Mass on my way to work, I was still praying intensely for guidance regarding a new opportunity. Ever since I discovered this possibility yesterday I have opened wide my mind and heart to God's will and knelt before Him in awe and love. Radical changes like this require radical reliance on God - and I find Him to be so trustworthy! As I passionately seek God's direction for my life I am also falling passionately in love with Him again. It is very good.

So imagine my surprise and delight when I turned on my car radio to listen to some calming classical music (I highly recommend WDAV 89.9 FM to my Charlotte readers) and Gustav Holst's "Jupiter" from The Planets was playing. And not just any old section of Jupiter, but THE VERY SECTION that Michael Perry set the lyrics of "O God Beyond All Praising" to. I fell in love with this hymn two years ago. My friend Ben gave copies to my fellow LOJ music ministers and I, hoping we would use it in a Mass or prayer meeting. Since then, I've heard Libera sing a different hymn ("I vow to thee my country") to the same music so beautifully on their Free CD. Then the Charlotte diocesan choir chose it for their concert at a Eucharistic Congress and our own parish choir (which, at the time, included me) sang it several times. I just discovered that "O God" was sung during Pope Benedict's Mass at St. Patrick's in New York on his recent US visit.

Check out these fabulous lyrics:

O God beyond all praising,
we worship you today
and sing the love amazing
that songs cannot repay;
for we can only wonder
at every gift you send,
at blessings without number
and mercies without end:
we lift our hearts before you
and wait upon your word,
we honor and adore you,
our great and mighty Lord.

Then hear, O gracious Savior,
accept the love we bring,
that we who know your favor
may serve you as our king;
and whether our tomorrows
be filled with good or ill,
we'll triumph through our sorrows
and rise to bless you still:
to marvel at your beauty
and glory in your ways,
and make a joyful duty
our sacrifice of praise.

I love this song so much that I practically begged David to let me include it in our wedding Mass. He gave in lovingly agreed, and the St. Ann's choir did a beautiful job of singing it during our procession into the church (none of that "Here Comes the Bride" froo fra - our wedding was all about giving glory to God).

O God, You ARE beyond praising, but I praise You still, even in the midst of my uncertainty. If this opportunity is a gift you are sending, I will receive it with wonder and gratitude. In the meantime, I lift my heart before you and wait upon your word.

Spiritual intimacy with your spouse

Our Moments Together for Couples giveaway has drawn to a close and I am left with one thought: Deo Gratias! Not because it is over, but because I find my heart and our marriage enriched and inspired by those who entered. In response to the question, "How do you cultivate spiritual intimacy with your fiance/spouse?" many beautiful examples were shared. I encourage you to read through all of the comments.

Some highlights:

"We share spiritual intimacy in our marriage through devotions every morning and then we pray together. Praying together is such a huge thing for me....it has brought us sooo much closer..and although it was awkward at first....now it totally feels right!" - Katy

"We keep ourselves close by talking... especially when we're driving in the car and the kids fall asleep, then we can really get a good conversation going about our deep-seated beliefs." - piseco

"This may sound odd, but we've had some rather major challenges (financial, etc) in our life recently and they have really pulled us closer together and toward God." - sweetpeas

"We put each other first, and we try to get away at least once or twice a year to just regroup." - shannon

And here's my favorite:

"We sit in bed and pray Morning and Evening prayer from the Liturgy of the Hours. We make a special point of adding all of our intercessions after the 'scripted' ones.

We have made an agreement that anytime one of us notices a strain in our relationship (e.g. the silent treatment, etc.) we will ask the other to pray together - immediately. We have committed to always respond 'yes' to this request and it really helps." - Bob (married 35 years - wow!)

Thank you to everyone who commented on the giveaway post and shared the things they do to stay close to God with their spouses. I wish I had more copies of Moments Together to share! I've been pondering these examples all week and David and I have had a couple conversations about our prayer life. I am happy to report that we are praying together more spontaneously again, and I am sooooo grateful.

If anyone else would like to share their tips for spiritual intimacy in the comments here, please do! We could all use the encouragement and inspiration.

Receiving abundant life

He did not bring us out this far to take us back again.
He brought us out to take us into the Promised Land. (x2)

Though there be giants in the land I will not be afraid. (x3)

At Adoration yesterday this song arose in my heart. I can still imagine my college friend Sarah playing it on her guitar and catching the change in pitch just right with her voice (I never could). Why this song, why today? I began to journal:

Perhaps it's because I feel like I'm floundering out in the open a little. God has most certainly led me to this stage in my life - I've followed Him to and from some strange lands (New Jersey??) along the way. I now find myself happily married (Deo Gratias!), working full time in a decent job, living in a decent apartment, looking forward to some new ministry opportunities . . . and childless. Is motherhood my Promised Land? Why can't I see it on the horizon yet? What am I to do here in the desert in the meantime?

Eat manna.

The words came to me like a whisper, but the command was strong: Eat manna.

Do you mean the Eucharist, Lord? Are You calling me to draw nourishment for my journey from Your Body and Blood? I go to Mass up to 6 days a week, Lord. I am receiving You. Is there more I need to do?

I come to give you life -- abundant life.

Yes, Lord. I know that my heart has been stiff, closed-off, and distracted at times - unreceptive. There are giants in my heart, and they try to separate me from You.

Though there be giants in the land I will not be afraid.

Lord, forgive my doubt - free me from fear. Help me to conquer the giants and open myself fully to receive your graces. Jesus, I trust in You. Grant that I may recognize and embrace the abundant life You offer me.


I share these personal reflections and prayers with you because I want you to know how good God is to me when I struggle. His messages to me opened my heart anew to His love and I left His Presence filled with joy and hope. That hope carried me through today. After a busy day of work I still had a song in my mouth and a bounce in my step. At one point a coworker caught me bouncing and imitated me playfully. Bashful but wanting to explain, I blurted out, "I'm happy!"

"I know," he replied, smiling. God is good.

Giveaway: Moments Together for Couples

Back when I used to listen to our local Christian radio station every morning, I loved catching Dennis Rainey's FamilyLife Today broadcast. In just a few minutes each day he would share some poignant truth about God's plan for couples and families. I found him so informative and encouraging that I jumped on an opportunity to purchase his first book of daily devotions (now a national best-seller). Together with his wife Barbara, Dennis Rainey wrote Moments Together for Couples as a Scripture-focused discussion and reflection guide aimed at helping couples draw "near to God and one another." My husband and I aren't reading it ourselves, so I would like to offer our copy to another blessed couple.

How to Enter to Win

This giveaway is open to anyone in the contiguous United States. If you are interested in winning Moments Together for Couples, please leave a comment below with an answer to this question:

How do you cultivate spiritual intimacy with your fiance/spouse?

Or, if you are not engaged or married:

Share an idea you have for cultivating spiritual intimacy with one's fiance/spouse.

Please be sure to leave a way to contact you if you win - either an email link in your Blogger profile or your email address typed into your comment. Deadline for entries is Friday, April 25th at 8 pm. Winner will be chosen by random drawing on Saturday. Thank you!

For more opportunities to win lots of great prizes, head on over to the Bloggy Giveaways Carnival!

Popcorn Prayer

I used to feel comfortable sharing off-the-top-of-my-heart prayers out loud with others. It wasn't always that way - my comfort only grew with the example, encouragement, and practice time the members of my Protestant Bible study and youth group meetings provided. But verbal "free" prayer (not memorized or ritualistic) brought me into a new intimacy with God and with my brothers and sisters in Christ, and I thrived on that spiritual closeness.

Somewhere along the way someone told me that allowing a small group of people to pray out loud as the Spirit leads them is called "popcorn prayer" because the prayers POP at random when the kernels are ready. I liked the idea of it - no one is expected to pray in turn or even at all. But all prayers are welcome.

When my involvement and ministry transitioned from interdenominational to strictly Catholic during my senior year of college, I was eager to encourage my more reticent Catholic brothers and sisters to open their hearts and their mouths to God. Popcorn prayer seemed a great way to do it. When I led prayer groups, small groups, and youth ministry meetings, I often incorporated popcorn prayer into our time together. Sometimes the participants got engaged - other times silence dominated. I tried to take it all in stride.

Well, today I read a post about "The 'Pray if you feel led' Prayer" over at Stuff Christians Like (a witty new blog I'm reading these days). In item #159 writer Jon Acuff reflects on the stereotypical experience of those involved in what I refer to as popcorn prayer.

For example:

"Suddenly, there's an expectation. In less than a minute that opening prayer is going to be finished and you'll be faced with an incredibly difficult decision. Do I pray? Do I feel led? When do I pray? When is the 'Closer' going to speak up and put an end to this prayer? How do I not start praying at the same time as someone else? So many questions, each fraught with danger and intrigue."

If you're interested, read the rest of the post (and the comments). Then come back and help me with my new dilemma: for the love of the people I serve (especially the super-self-conscious youth), should I vow never to inflict this torture on others again? Is "pray as you feel led" a problematic endeavor all around, or is there still merit to inviting others to voice their praises and petitions in the intimacy of a small group of friends?

PS I would SO loved to read a "Stuff Catholics Like" blog - I'm not witty, though, so I'll leave that for someone else.

Edited to add: It exists!! Looks like Stuff Catholics Like just began this month.

Tree Chapel

In They Come Back Singing: Finding God with the Refugees, missionary priest Gary Smith, S.J., describes the chapels in some of the Sudanese refugee settlement villages where he served. Several consisted of four walls and a grass thatch roof, susceptible to fires and termite infestations. Others were not buildings at all, due to the poverty of the communities. Instead, the refugees gathered to worship God and celebrate the Eucharist under huge trees. "The Kobo 'chapel' is on a small promontory that overlooks the West Nile," Smith writes. "Large rocks beneath a towering tree on the promontory serve as pews" (p. 173).

Even though our new old parish church is in need of an update and expansion (which we hope will come next year), it is far more luxurious than the refugees' modest open-air gathering spaces. Still, there's something elemental about praising God in the midst of His Creation.

In college I took a class called "Christian Prayer: Practice and Understanding" - one of the true blessings of my educational experience. For an assignment I chose to write a long paper on praying in nature. I titled it "Under the Fig Tree" after the passage in John, where Jesus tells Nathanael He saw him under the fig tree. (I once read that it was Jewish custom for men to study the Torah under trees.) My paper explored Franciscan creation theology, Jesus' preference for praying on mountains and in gardens, and the rich symbols in nature that speak of our relationship with God (or maybe I just made that last one up now...it was five years ago!).

Some days I long for a simpler, more rural life where I can "get lost" in a forest or meditate on a trickling brook or field of wheat. I am reminded of the giant horse chestnut tree I befriended in the Botanical Gardens of Leicester, England (pictured above). As a visiting student in a two week "immersion experience" of British history and culture, I often escaped to the gardens during our unscheduled time to exercise and to pray. The horse chestnut tree's branches swept the ground around it like a skirt, and I would slip between them to take shelter underneath. In that peaceful place, I lifted my heart to God in prayer and song.

Where have you found a sacred space outside of church?

A Gift for Everyone

Yesterday at Mass, the resident priest told a story about our Bishop. He said that whenever anyone told the Bishop that they were open to a religious vocation, whether male or female, the Bishop would pull out a rosary (or have the priest-secretary obtain one) and offer it as a gift. The Bishop would then ask the individual to pray, asking the heavenly Mother for guidance. The Bishop would also add that person's name to a list and include those names in his own daily prayers.

First, let me say that I love Bishop Peter Jugis, and I think he’s an awesome bishop. I was very impressed that he offers rosaries to those who are opening their hearts to God’s will. In my own life, the rosary has been the tiller, the Holy Spirit has been the wind, and our heavenly Mother has been the boat who carries and guides me to the Lord.

When I first realized how much I needed the Lord, I didn’t know (and I’m still learning) how to spend time with Him. My father (may the Lord bless and keep him) had spent years praying the rosary at home with a family who resisted the invitation to join him. Years later, I found this powerful weapon, which helped unite me to the Eucharist, fight sin, and teach me how to love women like a man should.

As a beginner to the rosary, I had found Fr. Peyton’s reflections to be wonderful in their various contemplations of the mysteries. They helped me get past my initial aversion to the “monotony” of the beads; the reflections, pulled from Scripture, also helped me to remain faithful to the devotion. As I grew in understanding and in God, I purchased Fr. Peyton's Rosary Prayer Book, which allowed me to read them without having to go online. After five years, my superficial dislike of constant repetition has been replaced with an intentional longing to hold onto the words of each prayer. After five years, I finally feel peaceful in the arms of my mother, the Church.

In his encyclical Rosarium Virginis Mariae, which is often quoted, JPII delivers a beautiful teaching on the rosary and provides a better explanation of what I’m trying to say:

"In this process of being conformed to Christ in the Rosary, we entrust ourselves in a special way to the maternal care of the Blessed Virgin. She who is both the Mother of Christ and a member of the Church...continually brings to birth children for the mystical Body of her Son. She does so through her intercession, imploring upon them the inexhaustible outpouring of the Spirit." (15)

Mary rocks! I turned thirty today and, taking a look at everything I’ve been given, I can only kneel before Jesus and adore Him. Then when my knees are sore, I climb up into my Mother’s lap and hug her around the waist crying with tears of love. I’ll graduate nursing school this year, I’m married to a wonderful and beautiful woman, and I’m living a life that keeps me close to God.

So I can appreciate why our Bishop chooses to entrust those souls to Mary. When I allowed her, she showed me the path to her Son, and I wish this for others. Finally, through the rosary, Mary reminds me how much I love my own parents, who chose to bring me into this world thirty years ago.

Thank you, my glorious Queen, for guiding me to your Son. I pray that others may turn to your gentle guidance so that they may open their hearts to glorify the Lord. Amen.

Image credit: GFvonB

Anointed by Joy

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” Galatians 5:22-23

In an article for the April 2008 Family Room (a FamilyLife publication) entitled "10 Ideas: Reflecting the Fruits of the Spirit," Scott Williams invites readers to use Galatians 5:22-23 as a spiritual health diagnostic.

I found his reflection on joy to be particularly compelling:

"Unlike happiness, joy is gladness that is completely independent of the good or bad things that happen in the course of the day. In fact, joy denotes a supernatural gladness given by God’s Spirit that actually seems to show up best during hard times. This is a product of fixing your focus on God’s purposes for the events in your life rather than on the circumstances."

Doesn't that kind of joy sound appealing? David often challenges me to consider the difference between happiness and joy. When I ask him, "are you happy?" he will usually respond, "I'm joyful." Joy, as Williams describes it above, is a richer, deeper, less self-centered, and more sublime experience. (About my choice to use the descriptor "less self-centered": its seems the phrase "do whatever makes YOU happy" is prevalent in our culture.) Joy comes not from our own efforts or the things of this world; it's sole source is the divine life within us: the Holy Spirit.

I believe all of the above, but I don't think about it often enough. Williams' subsequent question gets to my heart:

"Am I experiencing a joy of life on a regular basis, or is my happiness dependent on things going smoothly in my day?"

In January 2001 I made a Spiritual Exercises retreat in Rhode Island - five days of silence (other than the daily liturgies and lessons). I look back upon that experience as a waterfall of God's grace in my life - the blessings were countless. Among other messages from God, I received His confirmation that I am "Anointed by Joy." I am still unpacking the meaning and implications of this phrase, but in the years since that retreat I have seen its fruit - and its challenge - in many of my relationships. Basically, I am a joyful person when I am spiritually connected with God, and I can bless others with the joy He gives me when I resist Satan's attempts to undermine that joy (especially through worldly distractions). The Lord knows I have failed to BE what He created me to be many times - even daily.

I hear you speaking to me today, God. I know you are reminding me of the joy that comes from the Spirit within me and asking me to receive and share it once again. Please help me, with your grace, to give you glory with the joy you have given to me.

Photo credit: Andrew Hux