Crying to God

David is currently studying maternity (women's health, pregnancy, labor & delivery, newborn care, and lactation) in nursing school. Last week in his clinical he spent hours holding, diapering, feeding, bathing, swaddling, and otherwise caring for newborns in the nursery. He came home and reported that such work requires a high noise tolerance - at any given time, several of the babies in the nursery were crying! They cried when they were hungry, needed a change, felt cold, etc. David drew a beautiful comparison between newborns and all of God's children, who cry out to Him (or should!) with their every need. He said it so beautifully - I won't attempt to do his analogy justice here. But I will say that I LIVED what he was describing today.

Today was a difficult day. This kind of day comes every month we go without the pregnancy we so desire. A combination of squashed hopes and hormonal flux leave me emotional and weary. Whenever I found myself becoming overwhelmed with anxiety at work, I tried to pray. And this is how it usually came out: "I need You!" That's all: "I need You." I was like a helpless baby letting the Great Caretaker know I didn't feel good.

And He answered my cry. On most Wednesday evenings I am able to attend Adoration and Mass at a local parish. Today I knelt before Jesus in the Most Blessed Sacrament and God brought a song into my heart (as He does so often): "I lay it down, I lay it down, I lay it down at Your feet." I released my burden and stretched out my empty hands, asking God to fill them with His love and mercy and peace...and Himself. The Giver of all good things.

Our Heavenly Father once again reminded me that I mustn't let myself get all caught up in anticipation of pregnancy. Yes, I am still certain that God has called me to motherhood and I'm all too eager to fulfill that aspect of my vocation. But I cannot neglect my relationship with Him in the interim! Every day is an opportunity to draw close to Christ and to cultivate the virtues I will need to be a holy wife and mother. Every day I can find countless ways the Lord has blessed me, countless reasons to shower my God with grateful praise.

Lord, help me. Mary, pray for me.